The Way We Live, Part Two

Last week I wrote about one of the choices my Spanish half and I made with regard to living our lives together.

An interesting side effect of this and something which, when I became aware of it, I intentionally cultivated, is that when you have a clean home, the energy to make it beautiful, and the time to cook well, you fill a hole in the lives of many people.

London is a hard city to live in. It is expensive, competitive, extremely large and busy, and most people just pass through and don't settle here. It is a place to gain experience, make your fortune, or invest your money. It is not really a place conducive to building a family life.

It is ironic that precisely those overworked, stressed out, exhausted people who have no one to rely on or to ask for help, who are far from their families, and perhaps longing for some kind of connection and support, are most in need of some of those key elements that family life can provide, and generally have no access to it.

And so, if they have money they might go to the spa to relax, go out to eat for most of their meals, and talk to a therapist or coach so that someone will listen to them.

All of these things - relaxation, food, a listening ear -  are typically available in a home. But there are no homes.

When I found myself in possession of a house, with a natural inclination to make it pretty - because I like pretty things; to have it clean - because I can't deal with dirt; tidy - because I hate clutter; full of  a fairly constant supply of healthy, yummy food - because what you eat is really important, I suddenly also found myself with people on my doorstep. Or, to be more accurate, buzzing into my flat.

Because I've chosen to live life the way I do, I've usually had the time to do a morning de-clutter and tidy, so the flat is more often than not a pleasant place to hang out in.  If it is afternoon when the buzzer rings there are probably some cookies to have with tea, because my husband has a sweet tooth and I make him healthy, sugar-free cookies. I have usually already planned dinner and three is pretty much the same is two, and three pretty much the same as four, so if you want to stay it's no real trouble.

And it should be that way; I have chosen to live my life to take the time to make it that way.

What I have realized is that this luxury - for it is one, in this day and age - is not just for my husband and me. It spreads itself into the lives of others, as it should, and it can be a real gift. For the lonely, or the stressed, or the exhausted, sometimes there is nothing like sitting on a couch doing nothing, while someone else potters around making you something to eat, listening to what you have to say.

I realize that I, perhaps, have opened myself up criticism of all sorts, from various different camps. But I am not writing this to be prescriptive - not everyone would enjoy this type of life, or even be good at it. And that is absolutely fine.

Ultimately, I write this as encouragement. There are many women who, either by choice or necessity are in their homes, and struggling with that fact for many reasons.  And I am not saying that you have to stay there - if there is something you feel really called to do, do it! We are lucky enough to have all options open to us.

But, I would guess, that if you reframe how you look at what you do within your home, you might be surprised at the energy and resources you must expend to do it well. You might even begin to be impressed with yourself. It takes time and talent to create a welcoming environment. It takes thought and research to plan and cook nutritious meals. It requires patience and understanding to listen to those who need an ear.

There is a reason why the family is the building block of society. It is the place where new members are created for the future. But it is also the place from which people can go, having been nourished, encouraged, perhaps even a bit renewed, to tackle the world and do their best in it.

So, to those of you in the home, you might just be doing rather important, crucial work. In your generosity, you might be providing something that someone desperately needs and can't get anywhere else.